Why is it super easy for everyone but extremely difficult for me??

I am a university student now. I want to build a new character for myself but somehow the people who knew me is in the same uni and in the same class as me. I have a little secret that i only kept it to myself since highschool that is to have a boyfriend. I pray to god to let me have at least a one day experience! After gossiping with my new frens about their past relationship, i had nothing to share in return. Sure i did have a crush on a few guys but i did not have the guts to tell that person how i really feel as im afraid of rejection. What if im not the one, what if my confession will just burden him, is it considerate for me to confess? Thus here i am in my last year of being a LONELY teen :( Somehow i feel whether is because i was not able to attract because i do not have the body everyman desire and every woman will kill for? Or i do not have the feature? Everyone says that inner beauty is the most beautiful feature of a person! Lets face it, it is entirely not true :( people tend to find pretty faces when they are young and rebellous. I am just asking a normal guy but it will be an extra bonus for my very own ideal type :) but life is not as smooth as it is written in a storybook. So change my personality by lowering my pride?? Or just continue to be me until the ONE appear b4 me?? Just give up on the dream! Sincerely, J

What the fuck?

Today my sweet old mother used the word money as a tool to threaten peolple so that she can get what she wants!. Is it not irronic that the money is not what she has earned with sweat but is what my father has earned for the family!! Damn i hate her for that. All of us had no choice but to treat her as a queen. While i was treated as a servant had no choice but to bow to her or there will be no peace in the house. (not literally). J

Starting now :)

From the bottom of my heart, i sincerely wish that i am one of those girls that ppl like to hang out with or even tease me. I have a few friends that i really do get jealous at. Is it because im born this way or just that i have not blossom yet. i kept this problem to myself  as im afraid that ppl will laugh at me if i told them this. Therefore, i intend to update things i have done to make ppl smile or any witty jokes.

Its time to create a character that nobody can even imitate or even try to be like one :) as it is ME
After my important examination, i have 6 months to build up my character.
The list is on the right coloumn :)

HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF J